


Spiral

by Mochapup12



Series: From Zero [1]
Category: Dramarama (Music Video), Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dramarama MV AU, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Reincarnation (Kind of), So much angst, The Car Crash tm, Time Travel, pain and suffering that's it, sad man outside of time hyungwon, sorry - Freeform, time loops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 00:51:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12716388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mochapup12/pseuds/Mochapup12
Summary: Kihyun had done his best to move on, he really had.  And two years had dulled the pain, if only a little - he was getting better, slowly.  But the anniversary of the crash was always the hardest, and an unexpected gift on the two-year mark gave him the chance to change things, to at least try - and who could blame him for wanting his best friend back?





	Spiral

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all i'm shoving my way into the mx tag! i've never written anything for them before but i adore them so have this mess lol this is actually going to be the first part of a series of one-shots that go over the different stories in the mv, including hyungwon's bc his character is super intriguing to me. thanks to jenn for beta reading and giving me only the suggestion "i'm sad," I hope y'all like it!

Generally speaking, Kihyun considered himself to be fairly reasonable. He thought things through before he did them, weighed his options, didn’t rush into anything. That was how he’d made his way through life so far. That was how he’d gotten into a decent school, gotten a decent job doing the bookkeeping for a small shop, made a place for himself in the world - even if that place wasn’t particularly exciting. He certainly wasn’t the kind of person to go gallivanting off through time in the middle of a shift. There were very few things that would make him abandon his routine, endanger the fragile mundanity of the life he’d built to keep himself distracted and sane, but a chance to change the the worst thing that had ever happened to him was one of them.

It was a Wednesday. He had been sitting down to his work just like he he did at 9:30 every weekday morning, taking a moment to breathe deeply and try to push the lingering images of the usual nightmare out of his head.

The dream was always the same. It had been two years now since the crash - the anniversary was that day. He was certain that that was the reason that it had been so much worse than usual. Everything had been vivid, every detail crystal clear and every sense magnified. He had watched the car vanish down the road as he waved goodbye, the day clear and blue and sunny around him, warm and perfect to match the lightness in his chest and the smile on his face after spending a week with Jooheon, his best friend. They had grown up together, gone to the same high school, had been as close as could be their whole lives - until Jooheon had been accepted to a fancy private university hundreds of miles away and Kihyun had not.

They still did their best to remain friends and stayed in touch as often as they could. They made sure to check in through texts just about every day, and called each other around once a week. It wasn’t the same, but it was enough. They spent the whole summer together every time they both came home - Kihyun spent more of his time at Jooheon’s house than his own. It was Jooheon who had suggested a road trip the summer after they had both graduated. They could go out and see the sights, he’d insisted at nearly three in the morning after one of their hours-long conversations about life. It could be one last adventure together, like when they would spend their days exploring around the neighborhood as kids. They could spend a week going and doing all the things they’d always wanted to do before they had to start working, and they could have more time together before being separated again. Kihyun hadn’t been too sure at first - they’d never done anything of that scale on their own before - but he’d never been able to say no to Jooheon.

That week had been the best of Kihyun’s life. They’d driven all over the place, stopping at the beach one day and the mountains the next. Some nights they stayed in cheap motels, but mostly they just slept in Jooheon’s car. They played their music too loud and drove with the windows down, singing along and laughing until they were breathless. They even went to see all the typical touristy spots near their hometown that they’d always thought were overrated - for the most part, they were, but it was being there together that made it fun. No responsibilities, no worries, just each other and the road ahead for a full week.

If Kihyun had known then that it would be the last time he ever saw Jooheon, he would have tried to see and do so much more before they came home. But he didn’t, and an hour after Jooheon had dropped him back off at his house there was a knock on the door. When he opened it, a grave-looking policeman told him that there had been an accident; a hole in the road that was hidden at the top of a small hill had caused many crashes before, but this was the first death. They’d done everything they could, but it was too late. He was gone before they could even get him out of the car.

Kihyun hadn’t seen the actual crash, but that didn’t stop it from playing on a terrible loop in his nightmares. As soon as Jooheon’s car disappeared around a corner, the warmth of the day dissolved around him and he found himself standing, frozen, at the side of the road as it fishtailed across the asphalt and flipped in raw, stunning detail. He had the same dream often, but it had never been so bold and vivid before. He had still woken up when he usually did; when the screeching of metal and the crunch of glass stopped and he still couldn’t move, standing alone on the side of the road as his best friend died. As usual, he’d woken up with tears on his cheeks.

He’d done his best to brush it off before getting ready for work, but the dull, hollow ache in his chest wasn’t fading. It had been worse last year, on the first anniversary of the crash - he had called in sick that day, unable to drag himself out of bed. This time, he was determined to make it through. He got himself up and out the door just fine, but he still couldn’t quite shake the misery that had rooted itself firmly in his heart when he woke up.

Once he had made it to work, he had sat down and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather himself and push away the thoughts of the crash. He was just starting to think that maybe if he lost himself in his work he’d be able to forget about it for a little while when he was interrupted by a knock against the little window of his office. Startled, he had looked up to see a tall, thin figure vaguely through the screen over the glass. He had been just about to remove it and ask if whoever it was needed help when a long-fingered hand had placed a strange watch down on the counter and pushed it towards him. Before he could say or do anything else, the figure had turned and walked out, leaving the watch behind.

Confused, Kihyun had picked it up carefully and examined it, wondering why someone would just leave it there for him. The face displayed the year, along with several other dials and marks that didn’t make much sense to him. He flipped it over and his heart skipped a beat. Etched into the back of the watch were three small letters - CHW. He had heard those initials before. They belonged to a man who was something of mystery - according to some people, he could travel through time and made watches that allowed others to do the same. According to a few relatively shady websites that Kihyun had stumbled across before, his name was Hyungwon and he had been the first to discover the possibility of time travel. Beyond that, no one knew anything about him. Most people didn’t even believe that he was a real person, though time travel itself was certainly real - the government had a very strict policy in place forbidding it, however. Ordinary citizens couldn’t time travel. Except, apparently, for the mysterious CHW, the watch manufacturer.

Kihyun had stared at the watch in disbelief for a few minutes, wondering if that had actually been Hyungwon right in front of him. If it really had been, then that meant….

His heart had leapt in his chest as he thought back to the crash. Maybe this was his chance. He had no idea how Hyungwon could have known about Jooheon, but why else would he have given Kihyun a watch?

Slowly, he had twisted a knob on the side to adjust the date. After a few turns, the year changed to 2016, and then finally to 2015. His hands shook as he stared down at the watch, unsure and scared but almost willing to hope. He wasn’t even sure that this was real, wasn’t even sure that Hyungwon was real, but he had to try. For Jooheon.

After a long minute of staring at the watch like it would give him some kind of answer, Kihyun had taken a deep breath and pressed a small button on the edge, hoping that it was the right one. Immediately, the floor had dropped out from under him and the walls vanished, replaced suddenly by the warmth of the sun, a slight breeze, and the solid pavement of a road under his feet.

 

~

 

This was where he was now. Standing disoriented and confused in the middle of the street, the one that he’d only seen in his nightmares since the crash. How many times had he and Jooheon driven along it and been perfectly fine? 

He shook his head, feeling a little dizzy from the sudden change. Glancing down at the watch, he saw the number 2015 staring back at him and let out a deep breath. He’d actually done it. This was his chance. He could save Jooheon, stop him from crashing, fix everything.

Just as he was starting to think that the car should be coming soon, he heard the rumble of an engine just down the road. A black car came into view, and just barely visible through the windshield - Jooheon. A wave of emotion - relief, sorrow, nervousness, and the crushing misery of the past two years - crashed over Kihyun and he nearly broke down then and there. He swayed a little on his feet under the weight of it all, then took a step forward, then another. Jooheon was almost past him, but he could catch up. He had to.

As Jooheon’s car swept past him, Kihyun broke into a run. Logically, he knew that there was no way he could actually catch up to a car on foot, but he ran anyway, as fast as he could, until his lungs burned almost as much as his eyes when Jooheon’s car started to swerve across the road.  
Watching the crash actually play out on front of him was strange; it didn’t feel quite real, like he was still lost in his nightmare instead of here, watching it all happen. The thing that brought him back down to earth was the acrid smell of burnt rubber and the fumes from the gasoline. They felt like punches to the gut.

His timing was just wrong, he thought, frantically twisting knobs on the watch to try to adjust it. If he was a little bit sooner, if he could get into the road so Jooheon would see him, then maybe he could stop him. He just had to try again. He closed his eyes and pressed the little button on the side of the watch again, feeling the ground vanish and reappear under his feet just like before. Stumbling slightly, he looked down the road and relief flooded through him. The wreckage was gone. It hadn’t happened yet, he still had a chance. Even if he failed, he could just go back until he got it right.

He could hear the sound of Jooheon’s car approaching again and ran to the middle of the road, breathing hard as his heart pounded in his chest. This was it, it had to be. Jooheon would see him and stop, would get out and ask him what he was doing here, and Kihyun could explain everything and then hug him and never let go. He lifted his chin and stood firmly in the middle of the road as Jooheon’s car came into view. It didn’t seem to be slowing down. As it got closer, he could see Jooheon through the windshield, looking down at his phone. No, you dumbass, he wanted to scream. Look up! Watch the road! And Jooheon did, but not until he was nearly on top of Kihyun, at which point his eyes went wide and he jerked the steering wheel to the side. Kihyun could only stand and watch as the car swerved around him, tipping precariously up onto two wheels. His heart was in his throat as he watched it come back down on all four - Jooheon could get it back under control, he was sure of it.

He was wrong. When the car came back down, Jooheon overcorrected and the car began to fishtail, just like before. He watched in horrified fascination as it played out exactly the same way; the car flipped, crashing back down to the pavement with a terrible screech.

Kihyun shook his head, chest tight and every nerve in his body feeling frayed. What would have happened if Jooheon hadn’t looked up? What if he died here, outside of his own time? What would happen to him? To both of them? He couldn’t help feeling a little irritated at Jooheon. Really, he should have known better. He was normally a fantastic driver and when Kihyun rode with him, he never so much as looked at his phone, always asking Kihyun to respond to messages or check things for him. Was this why the accident had happened in the first place?

It didn’t matter. This obviously hadn’t worked; he needed to try another way and be more careful this time. He wanted more than anything to save his friend, but he didn’t have a death wish. He pressed the button on the watch again, swaying a little when the world rematerialized around him for the third time. It was a little less shocking now.

He tried. He really did. He waited by the edge of the road and ran out as Jooheon approached him; once again, Jooheon was startled, though this time it was Kihyun’s fault rather than his own. He swerved again, and Kihyun pressed the button before the car had even finished flipping. He had to try again. There had to be some way to do this, to fix everything.

Kihyun lost count of how many times he tried. Every single time, he was either just a little bit too late or Jooheon didn’t see him until he was too close, and every single time the whole situation ended with Jooheon’s car upside and smoking on the the pavement.

He could feel himself shaking as he pressed the button again, trying to keep it together as he went back for what could have been the fifth time or the fiftieth. This time, he reappeared right as Jooheon’s car was sweeping past him, and he took off running after it again, feeling a sharp ache in his side from all the times that this exact scenario had happened now. He was still too slow.

Something twisted in his stomach as he watched the car begin to skid. He was too late. Again. Frozen, he watched as it fishtailed across the road and flipped for what must have been the thousandth time. Broken glass, twisted metal, shattered bone - 

Kihyun turned away, tears hot on his cheeks and an awful nausea rising in his gut. He couldn’t keep doing this. He’d lost count of how many times he’d failed now. He was always just seconds off, no matter what he did. Why couldn’t he save Jooheon? How many times was he going to have to watch his best friend die right in front of his eyes?

One more try. Next time could be the one. He repeated the words over and over in his head, trying desperately to convince himself that they were true; still, a deep aching feeling that he couldn’t change anything after all dragged at his heart. He collapsed to his knees, hands scraping against the pavement as he bit back a sob. What could he really have done? Everything people said about time was true after all. It never behaved the way people hoped that it would - it only obeyed its own rules, not the ones humans tried to enforce on it. And every time they thought they could master it, they were always wrong. Time was always far more powerful, far more dangerous than anything humans could hope to control.

Kihyun took a deep, shuddering breath, digging his fingers into the road to try to ground himself and ignoring the stinging pain in his palms. He couldn’t just give up. There had to be a way; he couldn’t give up, not on Jooheon. He needed him.

“Please.” He whispered, tears dripping to the pavement as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Please. He should- I-” He cut himself off, unsure who he was addressing but hoping that someone, anyone, would hear him. “It should have been me.”

He stayed that way for a long moment, trying to breathe deeply, trying to gather himself back together, trying not to give up. Once the tears stopped falling, he sat up slowly and fixed his eyes on the brilliantly blue sky instead of the wreckage down the road. He had to try again. For Jooheon. He dragged himself to his feet, his muscles screaming in protest after all the times he’d torn down the street after Jooheon’s car. Jooheon hadn’t deserved this. He should have been the one to live. He’d always been the one with all the grand plans and big dreams, and it was Kihyun’s fault that he’d never be able to follow any of them. He had to fix this.

The watch had fallen to the ground, lying where he’d dropped it when the car had crashed yet again. He picked it up, wincing at the sight of blood welling in the scrapes on his palms. It would all be worth it if he could do this, if he could give Jooheon the future that he deserved. Taking another deep, steadying breath, he let his thumb hover over the button on the side that would start it again, closing his eyes and preparing himself. He could do this. He had to.

Kihyun pressed the button, felt the now-familiar dizzying rush as he snapped to another time, staggering a little when he felt solid ground under his feet again. Opening his eyes, he saw the same stretch of road now bare of wreckage. He knew he had only seconds before Jooheon’s car would drive by yet again. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the side of the road and waited, trying to force back all the dark little thoughts whispering that he couldn’t do it. He kept Jooheon’s face in his mind, trying to remember that this was all for him, even as he pictured himself failing again and again.

He was so wrapped up in trying to convince himself himself that this wasn’t all pointless that he almost didn’t hear the rumble of a distant engine until he could see it right in front of him; ignoring the icy spike of fear in his chest, Kihyun started to run after the car once again. This was just the same as the last few times. He couldn’t outrun a car. How could he possibly stop him? Just before Jooheon’s car hit that bump in the road again, Kihyun caught sight of a tall figure standing by the other side of the road. He looked familiar, but he couldn’t quite place him; tall and thin, a face that was clearly beautiful even from a distance, an expensive-looking suit. Where had he come from? There hadn’t been anyone else in any of his other tries.

Kihyun was about to ignore him, to focus on trying to get to Jooheon when it clicked. He’d seen that thin frame before, leaving his shop after sliding a watch through the window slot. It had to be him, the manufacturer. Hyungwon. No one else could have suddenly appeared in a situation that had already played out the same way so many times. He skidded to a stop, eyes wide as he turned to look at him. He was regarded with a calm, sad gaze for just a moment before Hyungwon held up a watch of his own and pressed a button near the top. Instantly, everything slowed to a stop; Kihyun turned to see Jooheon’s car frozen in midair, then whipped back around to face the other man.

“Please.” He said simply, tears rising again. This had to be it. He had to be here to help; why else would he have given Kihyun the watch to begin with? Hyungwon just looked at him, his face blank but a deep, sad exhaustion in his eyes. “Please, please, you have to save him.” Kihyun’s knees gave out and he dropped to the pavement again, the frustration and two years’ worth of pain rising in his throat and choking him. Hyungwon turned to look at Jooheon’s car, just standing and watching for a moment. Finally he spoke, not taking his eyes off of it.

“Why?”

Kihyun gaped wordlessly at him. What did he mean, _why? _Because Jooheon deserved to live. Because it wasn’t his time. Because he had so much he should have been able to do. Before he could say anything, Hyungwon continued. “I know I can’t stop you, not if this is what you truly want. But you know what will happen if he lives.” He finally turned to meet Kihyun’s eyes again. “A life is lost here. That’s how it must be. Why make it your own? I can save him, but you know the cost.”__

__Kihyun looked down at the asphalt, blurring before his eyes as they burned with tears. Part of him had already known from the moment he first pressed the button that only one of them could make it out if this. It would have been far too easy for both of them to walk away._ _

__“I don’t care.” He said, his voice trembling. “He deserves to live.”_ _

__“More than you do?” Hyungwon’s voice was steady, soft._ _

__“Yes.” Kihyun’s answer was immediate and unflinching, even as his voice still shook. Hyungwon turned away from him again, staring at the car with a resigned, hollow expression like he’d had this conversation countless times with countless people._ _

__“If you’re certain, there’s nothing that I can do to stop you. But you should know that you deserve to live, too. This,” He said, gesturing at the car, “isn’t your fault. The choices that he made are what led him here. You owe him nothing.”_ _

__Kihyun glared up at him. Some part of him knew that Hyungwon wasn’t trying to upset him, but frustration burned in the pit of his stomach anyway. He had no idea what he was talking about._ _

__“No, I owe him everything.” He said, voice breaking halfway through. “Just do it, please, it wasn’t his time, this is the only thing I can do for him you have to help me make it right please-” He was cut off by a sob, wracking through his chest and leaving his whole body shaking on the unforgiving surface of the road._ _

__Hyungwon said nothing, just stood where he was and stared at him, an immeasurable sorrow in his eyes. Kihyun rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, furiously wiping the tears away and turning to look at Jooheon’s car, suspended in time right in front of him and yet out of his reach. He couldn’t do it, not by himself. But Hyungwon could. He looked up at him again, swallowing past the lump in his throat, and another plea died on his lips._ _

__Hyungwon was crying. Not fully, not like Kihyun, but a silent tear slid down his cheek even though his deadpan expression didn’t change. His voice too was unchanged when he spoke again._ _

__“You care a great deal about him. I will change this, change your outcome, but you must understand that it may not be the kindness you think it is. You have missed him, mourned him, these past two years. Are you willing to put him through that instead?” Hyungwon reached into the pocket of his suit jacket, pulling out his watch again and holding it in front of him, waiting for Kihyun’s answer._ _

__“I- he- yes.” Kihyun said after a moment, his heart twisting horribly when he thought about Jooheon being the one to sit alone in his apartment, biting his lip until it bled to try to keep himself from crying and waking up screaming from nightmares of watching the car swerve down the road. But in the end, Jooheon would be the one to live. That was what mattered. Jooheon was strong, strong enough to go through it, and then he could live his life the way that he should have. “He has to live. He would have done the same thing for me.”_ _

__“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Hyungwon said softly, looking down at his watch. Before Kihyun could ask what he meant, he twisted a knob on the side and clicked a button, and the whole world shifted._ _

__

__~_ _

__

__Jooheon woke up with a gasp, sweat cold on his skin and tears hot on his cheeks. It had been the same dream, just like all the others before. He had them almost every night. He hadn’t been there to see the crash, but he could picture every second of it thanks to these nightmares._ _

__He glanced over at his bedside clock and sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. It had been worse this time, and that was why - he’d almost forgotten. It was the second anniversary of the crash. A heavy sort of empty misery seemed to drag at all of his limbs as he lay in bed for a moment longer, trying to calm his racing heart. It remained as he dragged himself out of bed to get ready for work, and when he stepped out into the cold morning air to walk to his office, it was still there._ _

__He didn’t think that he would ever truly feel better. Time had helped, sure. But there were still little things every day that made him think of Kihyun, and for the past two years he hadn’t gone more than a few days without seeing the crash in his dreams. He supposed that when you lost the best friend you’d ever had, it took a long time to heal._ _

__When he stepped into his tiny office, he allowed himself a moment to sit down and think about everything. The crash from last night’s dream had been so much more vivid. Whenever he stopped focusing on anything else for more than a few minutes, it would replay in his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block it out, but the awful thought of Kihyun’s car swerving and then flipping across the road just wouldn’t leave him alone._ _

__He was just starting to wonder if he could forget it by losing himself in his work when he was startled out of his thoughts by a quiet knock on the window._ _

**Author's Note:**

> don't text and drive kiddies
> 
> for real, if you made it all the way through this, thank you so much for reading. please leave a comment if you feel like it, they really make me happy and make me feel better about my writing even if it's just you yelling at me for making it sad. the next part of the series will be minhyuk and changkyun's story and you guessed it - it's gonna be sad again! thanks again for taking the time to read this disaster of a sad fic, follow me on twitter if you feel like it @stardustjunhui, see y'all next time


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